Monday, March 31, 2008
When I checked in at the airport, I found American Airlines has taken the liberty of changing my itinerary and my original 8:30 flight does not leave until 2:30. How nice of them to call me ahead of time and chat about this. So, here I sit in the airport, in the yukky terminal, in a bar, under a tv that is on full loud, stalking the guy sitting by the only electrical outlet. I don't get in to LA until 7:30.....seven and a half hours late. You know that it makes me twitch to be burning daylight sitting in a bar in the airport all day. Did I say it is American Airlines?
And, I did not even ask God to teach me patience!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
There is the normal everyday stuff like someone spilling a whole diet coke on my lap on my way to an appointment, the flight attendant calling me SIR (I looked up and said, "Guess that makeover didn't work.), a kid kicking the back of my seat for three hours, arriving home in the middle of the night to scrape ice off my car, and lots of stories I could tell about delays, but I will skip that. Wait. No. I have one that always wins the worst flight contest between seasoned travellers.
I left Atlanta at 6pm on a two hour flight to Dallas. When we arrived in Dallas, they were having a nice tornado, so we circled. And circled and circled. Then we circled. Until we were running out of gas. They flew us to San Antonio. We landed, they refueled us. We sat for awhile and took off again for Dallas because the tornado was gone. We arrived in Dallas to find another nice tornado. We circled. And circled and circled. Then we circled. Until we were running out of gas. AGAIN. They flew us to San Antonio. We landed. Sounding familiar? They refueled us and we sat on the tarmac. There was not one empty gate because every Dallas flight was there. We could see into the terminal to piles of people sleeping all over the floor because there were also no hotel rooms left. There was no food on the plane because it was a two hour flight. What they did have was booze. Free booze. Yep, the passengers got louder and louder until we finally took off again for Dallas to a cheer that was similar in decibels to one in Tiger stadium when the Tigers are winning. We flew to Dallas and finally landed, touched ground, hallelujah. I had yanked out my contact lenses and couldn't see a thing. It was after 6am. That two hour flight to Dallas took 12 hours.... Pretty glamorous.
Then there is the humanity you encounter. How about the guy that read a nasty X rated magazine sitting next to me for two hours? Nice. How about the guy next to me that leaned on my shoulder from Michigan to Atlanta and read my book along with me? He even made comments about the topic and announced that I should read slower, because I turned the page before he was ready.
My friend, The Human Pinball also travels for work. She has some good stories, like the lady that sat down in first class and asked the flight attendant to plug the cord from her laptop into the cockpit so she could use her computer.
But, this is my all time (so far) best airplane story. I was on a flight from Michigan to Atlanta and was excited to get an upgrade to first class. I sat down, buckled in and got my book out. Ah, the life! A woman sat next to me who took the opportunity to tell me her life story. She lived in Michigan. Her fiance lived in Atlanta. And they were going to maintain separate residences in separate states after the wedding. She was on her way to get married. She was the drunkest human being I have ever seen. She told me every story she knew at least 5 times, over and over while leaning over me....smelling really bad......in a voice loud enough to be heard on the ground. If I did not pay attention, she grabbed the book out of my hand. She got up out of her seat at least 6 times to look for her bag in the overhead. Finally one of the other passengers told her where it was. I wanted to punch that man in the head. Because she got the bag down and took out piles of lingerie. Not the pretty kind. She put each piece on over her clothes and modeled them back and forth in the first class aisle. All the while singing some country song about riding the cowboy instead of the horse. Forgive me country music fans, I didn't know that song and she sang only that part over and over and over. After 20 minutes of the song and telling all of first class what she was going to do with her new husband after the wedding, she got out the sex toys. Not kidding. Do you know there are rules against drunk people flying? You might be wondering where the flight attendant was during all of this. Yeah, me too. About this time, I got up and went to find her. She was hiding. Not kidding. She asked me if I was OK. "Ah, NO!!!! Save me!!!!!" The other passengers were giving me the sad puppy dog eyes. When we landed, I sprinted off that plane along with everyone else in first class. It was pretty bad, but the up side was that I had the best story of the trade show and people came to my booth and asked me to tell it. Not Kidding about that either.
Want my job yet? Off to L.A. in the morning. Stay tuned.....
Normal (wish I had a private plane) Girl
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Kay took the stage and the very first thing she did was to tell 1000 women to go check out the princess bathroom. She said they had to see the mirrors
Then she talked about the third floor bathroom. Many women worked hard to make this event at our church an incredible experience for all of the attendees. And, now our claim to fame is our bathrooms.
Friday, March 28, 2008
This is what it looks like in the bathrooms....even in the boys bathroom. You can see our theme is black with white dots and hot pink shoes? The event is all day tomorrow. Hope the ladies think it is cute!!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
It works for every product in the supermarket. Live it up Normal Girl.....
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
You wash and straighten and dry and spray,
To conform with long straight hair;
An art best practiced hour upon hour,
While turning bathroom flood and mire,
Indulge in hot water draining shower,
To go to the mall.
Ultimate importance; love shopping and acquisition,
Your skill so amazing, cell phone attached,
Eat, study, in line, jockey for position,
And still more, asleep, the phone in your bed;
Texting three at once, non stop
Unlimited, close bosom friends,
It is all there is.
Where are the songs of hormones? Yes, where?
Gathering in your iPod, memorized, every one,
Love bread, but no sandwich fare,
Shower running; dressed and leaving,
Talking, no breath, all but nothing,
Ever listen to a song all the way to the end?
Think not of that, but hair!
Q: How about the name changing thing?
A: Amanda Hold
Author's note: In case they sound boy crazy.....both girls admitted if a boy really wanted to go out with them, they would die and run away.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Then we went to the pottery painting place and spent a couple hours creating.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Yeah, yeah, I'm a real pro. Big deal. You would all know that if you read my column. Go on, go look, I know you don't believe me. Bead Unique Magazine. Imaginina. That's me. I am also a lampwork bead maker. You should buy some of my beads. They make you look younger, thinner, and prettier. Yep. And if you believe that, I have a bridge I will sell you.
I have something on my mind. First day of spring. Easter weekend. Eight inches of snow. Which of these things does not fit. Global warming my hiney!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Here is how you do it:
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Two of them live in Kansas City and one lives in Michigan, but not close by. So, I don't get to see them as often as I would like, but now that they are getting older, it is great that we can email and IM. Here they are a couple years ago.
Wait till you see them this weekend....
Aunt Normal Girl
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Amazing what a beatuful costume and having her hair done will do for a girl. Of any age. Yes, these are the same girls doing the same dance today on Palm Sunday.
Normal (Choreographer) Girl
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
My assistant Imaginina......think about it.......will put her two cents in. There is no way to stop her. Maybe I will learn to use my camera. Who knows where this blog will take us. I hope you stick around and check it out.