Monday, March 31, 2008

Spring Break Meets American Airlines

This is a dangerous combination. Remember my trip to LA? Blech. I got to the ariport to find that everyone and their brother is trying to get out of Michigan on spring break. All the parking lots are full and I had to park in an overflow lot far away. Far. Dark. Muddy. I get in Wednesday night at 1am. I will be making friends with the shuttle driver, you can count on it.

When I checked in at the airport, I found American Airlines has taken the liberty of changing my itinerary and my original 8:30 flight does not leave until 2:30. How nice of them to call me ahead of time and chat about this. So, here I sit in the airport, in the yukky terminal, in a bar, under a tv that is on full loud, stalking the guy sitting by the only electrical outlet. I don't get in to LA until and a half hours late. You know that it makes me twitch to be burning daylight sitting in a bar in the airport all day. Did I say it is American Airlines?

And, I did not even ask God to teach me patience!

Stay tuned,
Normal Girl

Sunday, March 30, 2008

My Glamorous Travel Job

I do some travelling for work, and on this eve of a trip to Los Angeles, I am writing in honor of all of the people I know that say to me "Oh, how I wish I had your job, it is SO much fun!" While, I am far from complaining about my job, and flying does not bother me, I feel compelled to tell you that it is not all a bed of roses. The airport/airplane portion of the trip can sometimes be crazy, annoying, or just plain stupid. If you hate airplane stories, just skip to the end. The last story is priceless.

There is the normal everyday stuff like someone spilling a whole diet coke on my lap on my way to an appointment, the flight attendant calling me SIR (I looked up and said, "Guess that makeover didn't work.), a kid kicking the back of my seat for three hours, arriving home in the middle of the night to scrape ice off my car, and lots of stories I could tell about delays, but I will skip that. Wait. No. I have one that always wins the worst flight contest between seasoned travellers.

I left Atlanta at 6pm on a two hour flight to Dallas. When we arrived in Dallas, they were having a nice tornado, so we circled. And circled and circled. Then we circled. Until we were running out of gas. They flew us to San Antonio. We landed, they refueled us. We sat for awhile and took off again for Dallas because the tornado was gone. We arrived in Dallas to find another nice tornado. We circled. And circled and circled. Then we circled. Until we were running out of gas. AGAIN. They flew us to San Antonio. We landed. Sounding familiar? They refueled us and we sat on the tarmac. There was not one empty gate because every Dallas flight was there. We could see into the terminal to piles of people sleeping all over the floor because there were also no hotel rooms left. There was no food on the plane because it was a two hour flight. What they did have was booze. Free booze. Yep, the passengers got louder and louder until we finally took off again for Dallas to a cheer that was similar in decibels to one in Tiger stadium when the Tigers are winning. We flew to Dallas and finally landed, touched ground, hallelujah. I had yanked out my contact lenses and couldn't see a thing. It was after 6am. That two hour flight to Dallas took 12 hours.... Pretty glamorous.

Then there is the humanity you encounter. How about the guy that read a nasty X rated magazine sitting next to me for two hours? Nice. How about the guy next to me that leaned on my shoulder from Michigan to Atlanta and read my book along with me? He even made comments about the topic and announced that I should read slower, because I turned the page before he was ready.

My friend, The Human Pinball also travels for work. She has some good stories, like the lady that sat down in first class and asked the flight attendant to plug the cord from her laptop into the cockpit so she could use her computer.

But, this is my all time (so far) best airplane story. I was on a flight from Michigan to Atlanta and was excited to get an upgrade to first class. I sat down, buckled in and got my book out. Ah, the life! A woman sat next to me who took the opportunity to tell me her life story. She lived in Michigan. Her fiance lived in Atlanta. And they were going to maintain separate residences in separate states after the wedding. She was on her way to get married. She was the drunkest human being I have ever seen. She told me every story she knew at least 5 times, over and over while leaning over me....smelling really a voice loud enough to be heard on the ground. If I did not pay attention, she grabbed the book out of my hand. She got up out of her seat at least 6 times to look for her bag in the overhead. Finally one of the other passengers told her where it was. I wanted to punch that man in the head. Because she got the bag down and took out piles of lingerie. Not the pretty kind. She put each piece on over her clothes and modeled them back and forth in the first class aisle. All the while singing some country song about riding the cowboy instead of the horse. Forgive me country music fans, I didn't know that song and she sang only that part over and over and over. After 20 minutes of the song and telling all of first class what she was going to do with her new husband after the wedding, she got out the sex toys. Not kidding. Do you know there are rules against drunk people flying? You might be wondering where the flight attendant was during all of this. Yeah, me too. About this time, I got up and went to find her. She was hiding. Not kidding. She asked me if I was OK. "Ah, NO!!!! Save me!!!!!" The other passengers were giving me the sad puppy dog eyes. When we landed, I sprinted off that plane along with everyone else in first class. It was pretty bad, but the up side was that I had the best story of the trade show and people came to my booth and asked me to tell it. Not Kidding about that either.

Want my job yet? Off to L.A. in the morning. Stay tuned.....
Normal (wish I had a private plane) Girl

Saturday, March 29, 2008

It Was

Today was the women's event at church. Kay Arthur was our speaker. If you are not familiar with her, check her out. She will teach you a cool way to study your Bible. Today she talked about walking with God.

Kay took the stage and the very first thing she did was to tell 1000 women to go check out the princess bathroom. She said they had to see the mirrors

and the painting and the princess pictures.
She said that it was a bathroom that could be very ugly. Then she quoted me. Ready?
"It was."
That witty reparte is why I decorate bathrooms instead of work with people.

Then she talked about the third floor bathroom. Many women worked hard to make this event at our church an incredible experience for all of the attendees. And, now our claim to fame is our bathrooms.
Any way, the event was a hit: Kay, the music, the pink glitter shoes, all of it. I love women's events like this. There is an incredible energy in a room of 1000 women praising God together. Love it!
Normal Girl

Friday, March 28, 2008

The Church of the Pink Shoes

Remember the pink glitter shoes?

I took them to church tonight and all 50 pair of them are decorating the lobby, the auditorium, the hallways and the bathrooms. They are all in cute little vingnettes like these. There is quite a bit of glitter everywhere, but we like that. I had a thought tonight. When I die and they do an autopsy, they are going to find a pile of glitter in the bottom of my lungs. Maybe the coroner can write in a medical journal about me.

Don't forget the swap for the glitter shoes. Go to the

entry on March 19 and leave me an explanation of what you would like to swap me for a pair of these hot pink glitter shoes. I will see who has the best offer and choose on Monday night, April 1. You know you want them!

This is what it looks like in the bathrooms....even in the boys bathroom. You can see our theme is black with white dots and hot pink shoes? The event is all day tomorrow. Hope the ladies think it is cute!!

Normal Girl

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Winter is Winning Tonight

I just took this photo out of the bathroom window, at 10:30pm. It is dark but with that lightness that snow gives the night. How can you not love winter when the snow is covering everything. Gorgeous!
Normal Girl

Spring is Not Afraid of Winter

The now keeps on coming, and the grass does not care.
Normal Girl

They Call it Romance

I have been writing jewelry making instructions for weeks. There is a ridiculous part to writing jewelry making instructions.....the romance copy. Here are a couple examples of romance copy. It is supposed to make you NEED to make the jewelry. A monkey could write this stuff:

Add a bold southwestern flavor to your outfit with beautiful turquoise beads and stunning silver . Add some inspirational charms and everyone will ask you where you got your gorgeous bracelet!

Very chic and elegant, make and wear this bracelet showing a variety of fabulous textures. Flocked beads and the timeless cameo work together with interesting metal pieces to make a striking jewelry piece, perfect for any occasion from casual to dressy!

All you need is a thesaurus and a pile of adjectives and exclamation points. Here is the one Normal Girl would not let me use. Why? Does she think it would excite jewelry makers to riot and stampede in the store to buy the products causing a need to call security?

Nothing says summer like bright white seashells with shiny bling. Wear this to recapture your youth, make you thinner and prettier, make your hair thicker and shinier, and make you smell minty fresh. This bracelet has lots of movement, lots of fun! Feel the sun, smell the sun tan lotion, and hear the surf. It will remind you of vacation every time you wear it.

It works for every product in the supermarket. Live it up Normal Girl.....


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Don't forget the Swap!

Scroll down to March 19 to see what I am offering to swap. Leave your offering in your comment. I will make the decision on April Fool's Day!
Normal Girl

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ode to a Teenage Girl

Oh young woman, thou art so fair,
You wash and straighten and dry and spray,
To conform with long straight hair;
An art best practiced hour upon hour,
While turning bathroom flood and mire,
Indulge in hot water draining shower,
To go to the mall.

Ultimate importance; love shopping and acquisition,
Your skill so amazing, cell phone attached,
Eat, study, in line, jockey for position,
And still more, asleep, the phone in your bed;
Texting three at once, non stop
Unlimited, close bosom friends,
It is all there is.

Where are the songs of hormones? Yes, where?
Gathering in your iPod, memorized, every one,
Love bread, but no sandwich fare,
Shower running; dressed and leaving,
Talking, no breath, all but nothing,
Ever listen to a song all the way to the end?
Think not of that, but hair!
Interviews with my three nieces while they were visiting.....

Niece Three
Q: If you had to spend a year on a desert island, what three things would you take?
A: Someone else, food, suntan lotion.

Q: Very practical. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: a scientist

Q: No wonder about the desert island then. If you could change your name, would you, and what would it be?
A: Anita Mann

Q: yeah, right. Who is your favorite aunt?
A: Whoever buys me stuff.

Niece Two:

Q: If you had to spend a year on a desert island ALONE, what would you take?
A: cell phone, a book, panties

Q: weird. Who is your favorite aunt?
A: Any of Dad's sisters

Q: Diplomatic, but wimpy answer. If you could stop time and fill 24 hours with anything you want, what would it be?
A: dance and sleep

Q: If you could go anyplace you want for a week, where would you go?
A: Ireland, I saw it in a movie, it's pretty.

Q: How about the name changing thing?
A: Amanda Hold

Author's note: In case they sound boy crazy.....both girls admitted if a boy really wanted to go out with them, they would die and run away.

Niece One:

Q: Not counting family, what three things are most important in your life?
A: softball, education, and music
Q: Who is your favorite aunt?
A: Aunt Normal Girl
Q: I am buying you an iPod, a Blackberry and a pony. If you could watch only one TV show, what would it be?
A: Will and Grace
Q: What is your favorite thing to eat?
A: Pasta!
Q: The name thing.....
A: Nah, I am good with who I am.
They have grown up alot since the days they all wore matching pj's.
The two that did not say I am their favorite aunt are still walking home.
Normal Girl

Saturday, March 22, 2008

The Creative Crowd

The snow did not stop us today, we had a blast. First we went to Entreevous, a place where you can make your own dinners. We came home with Chicken Picatta, Steak Kabobs, and Raspberry BBQ Chicken. It took the girls 15 mintues to make their recipes. ....speed chefs.

Then we went to the pottery painting place and spent a couple hours creating.
The third hand, aka teeth.........
The bead studio in Girl World.
The singing beaders! We watched Rent, we knew all the words to every song. We watched part of Cabaret, but it was too slow for us today. Then I introduced them to A Chorus Line. It was a hit.
Beading went on for about 6 hours, before and after cooking and eating the dinner the girls made in the morning. We wish we had more hours to this day. We have some journals to paint that we did't have time to work on. There are just not enough hours in the day in Girl World for Aunt Normal Girl and the Sequoia Nieces.
Good thing romorrow is another day,
Normal Girl

Friday, March 21, 2008

White Knuckle Driving

As long awaited, I have my three nieces with me for the weekend. We took a short drive to see my sister, their Aunt Smelliado. We went to the mall and had dinner at the local arcade, a fun day. It was snowing like crazy and we headed home. The one hour drive took nearly 3 hours. The highway home was so bad, I never drove over 35 miles an hour. We saw thirteen cars off into the ditch. But, we finally made it safe and sound except for every muscle in my body being knotted from the tension of driving in a blizzard. For Pete's sake it is EASTER weekend. Who says God does not have a sense of humor?
We have lots of things planned for the weekend, I will post the stories. Talk about a sense of humor,, why am I a foot shorter than these girls now??? I feel like Aunt Normal Girl and the Sequoia Nieces.
SO thankful to be home,
Normal Girl

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Imaginina Says

Imaginina has requested to post today. I am hesitant, but helpless. If I don't let her, she will just do it later anyway. So, I would like to introduce to you my long time assistant, Imaginina. She has a background in publishing, worked for a tough editor, learned alot, and then moved on to be a bead expert. If you want to know anything about beading, she is your woman.

Normal Girl

Yeah, yeah, I'm a real pro. Big deal. You would all know that if you read my column. Go on, go look, I know you don't believe me. Bead Unique Magazine. Imaginina. That's me. I am also a lampwork bead maker. You should buy some of my beads. They make you look younger, thinner, and prettier. Yep. And if you believe that, I have a bridge I will sell you.

I have something on my mind. First day of spring. Easter weekend. Eight inches of snow. Which of these things does not fit. Global warming my hiney!


Wednesday, March 19, 2008

You Need These! Swap with Me!

Hot pink glitter shoes!!! I have 50 pair of these in Girl World. I glittered these shoes for decorations for a women's event coming up at church. Here's what I think: They are the perfect decoration for any event, don't you think? birthday shower, yeah, white glitter....... name it. Yeah, OK, you are right, they are probably not appropriate for a formal occasion. For that you need BLACK glitter pumps!!

Here is how you do it:

1. Go to the Salvation Army store or the thrift shop and buy two carts piled full of pumps....or one pair if you are not an overachiever. Don't get fabric covered shoes, they won't work well. Promise the cashier you are not reselling on Ebay. Although, once they are glittered, you could make a fortune selling them because they are so cool and everyone needs some.

2. Stuff the shoes with tissue paper or something and spray them with pink spray paint. Let them dry.
3. Brush white glue or Mod Podge to cover the outside of the shoe. Sprinkle hot pink glitter all over the shoe. It is easier if you glitter the shoe in sections. Let one section dry before you go on to the next section.

4. Admire your fabulous creation!

OR, if you don't want to make your own, swap me for this pair. When the event is over, I will swap this pair with you. Tell me what you have to swap and I will see who has the thing I want most. I will decide who has the best swap material on April 1, so tell me what you've got before then!
Normal Girl

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My Three Favorite Nieces

My three favorite nieces are coming to spend the weekend with me. So, they are on my mind right now. I am trying to find really cool things to do that they will like while they are here. I sent them each a list of possibilities. Can you believe that not one of them chose to go to the museum???

Two of them live in Kansas City and one lives in Michigan, but not close by. So, I don't get to see them as often as I would like, but now that they are getting older, it is great that we can email and IM. Here they are a couple years ago.

Wait till you see them this weekend....

Aunt Normal Girl

Fill in the Blanks

I am such a good student. I don't know if this is universal, but at my church, we get papers to make notes, you know, fill in the blanks. We get them for bible study class, Sunday School class, and even the sermons. I know people love this learning tool, but I beg the teacher not to give it to me. When I get a blank paper in front of me and a pen in my hand, it is all over. So, this morning, I was handed THE PAPER, and when the video of the talking guy started.....well, you see what happens. I have never been accused of being an artist. But, if I go to enough bible studies, who knows?I have to say that I do know what the lesson was about, I didn't totally tune out. You fill in the blanks your way, I fill in the blanks my way!

Normal Girl

Monday, March 17, 2008

Get Out the Vote

I have spent most of the day writing a paper for my class in Public Relations. I can't write any more. If you want to know anything about running a campaign to get more people to register to vote, let me know.

Normal (grad student) Girl

Sunday, March 16, 2008

A Discovery

Here's what I think. The best way to contain a gaggle of middle school girls.... make them go in public wearing curlers. They lock themselves in the bathroom.

Amazing what a beatuful costume and having her hair done will do for a girl. Of any age. Yes, these are the same girls doing the same dance today on Palm Sunday.

Normal (Choreographer) Girl

Saturday, March 15, 2008


One of my favorite activities is directing a praise dance team at church. The team is made up of middle school girls, and I really love it and them. They are called Praise in Motion, shortened to PIM......or as some of the guys think it is hysterical to call them....Praise in Motion People. You can figure it out. Every time they say it, they crack themselves up. I try not to let them see me laugh.
So, PIM dances on Sunday mornings and sometimes they get in a practice in front of the whole middle school population on the Wednesday night before. That happened this week. I took video and asked them to watch and critique themselves. Remember, I really do love them when I say they look like a line of dancing Cousin Its. It's all about the hair baby!

You will not be able to stand watching the entire thing, but take a peek. They dance in the service tomorrow morning and I have just one question. Is it legal to administer Jolt to a minor before 8am?

Normal Girl

Friday, March 14, 2008

Welcome to my Blog!

Here's what I think. Blogs are like stories that keep going and going. You get to meet and know the characters and watch the plot develop. Personally, I get addicted to blogs where it seems like the people in them have become my friends. So, you will get to know me and I will introduce you to my friends. I have alot of artistic, creative friends who are ....well.....nuts. Sometimes they make me laugh till I fall on the floor, hope you will too. I am not that funny, but I have alot of cool things going on in my life all the time. Even though I love living in Michigan, I travel a bit for work and meet lots of people. The airline stories alone could fill a blog. I am an overachieving, type A, driven girl who rarely sits still. In my age induced wisdom, I have finally found a good channel for my chronic helium arm desease. I used to write books and do television and travel the world to teach, in an effort to make people know who I am and make lots of money. Now I channel my energy toward several ministries. It is way more fulfilling. No contest.

My assistant Imaginina......think about it.......will put her two cents in. There is no way to stop her. Maybe I will learn to use my camera. Who knows where this blog will take us. I hope you stick around and check it out.

Normal Girl