I have never been fired in my life. Until now. And, can you stand it? The job I have tried to lose keeps going strong.. The job I liked? Done. You know that I work as Normal Girl's assistant. Yeah. I would not mind being fired from that, and in fact, I have tried several methods to get to that end.
Gossip. Normal Girl grows marijuana in Girl World and starts drinking vodka by 10 am every day. Pass it on.
Personal phone calls. I call my boyfriend, Lars, every 5 minutes. I use my outside voice and laugh loudly. Call me.
Drink at work. I leave a new empty booze bottle on my desk each week and slur my words for an hour after lunch each day. I could win the Oscar.
Surf the web excessively. Not only can I tell you where to find anything, I run an online business selling things misplaced by Normal Girl. I have sold that woodchuck three times.
Point the finger at everyone but myself. It is amazing how Normal Girl has the power to make me late every morning, to make my files disappear, and to spill my diet coke in her purse. She is a spaz.
But, the job of columnist at Bead Unique is gone. Due to nothing I did good or bad, it is done because the advertising guy is not doing his job. They say if you want something done right, do it yourself.
For sale. Prime ad space in national bead magazine. Free woodchuck with each ad placed.