Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Human Pin Ball, Guest Post #2

Note from Normal Girl. Please keep in mind that HPB is about 5' tall and a whopping 100 pounds, while you are reading this.

Human Pinball, here - still in Hong Kong, well really I have been to China a few times since my last post - but am back in Hong Kong for one more night before going to China for a week.....but that doesn't matter...does it? Back to the story -

So - when I am in Hong Kong, here is how I feel........FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT.
These people are pocket size - thousands upon thousands of little cutie pie's in babydoll dresses with leggings and converse tennis shoes - and an adorable shag hair cuts. One smaller than the next, one cuter than the next.

It is the only place in the world I am NOT SHORT. I stand out like a blinking NEON sign - because I have "yellow" hair and am considerably larger than any of them. My biggest fear anytime I travel to Asia is that my luggage will be lost and I will have to go to the old lady store that sells shirts with big flower and bird appliques on the front and have a 2" stretch waist band attached. Please don't even get me started about underwear -i would have to wear the bra I arrived in for 3 weeks straight, or have my husband FedEx me one. But that is all off the subject...back to the story....

When in Hong Kong, Taiwan, China or any other Asian Country I feel like the Michelin Man and it is my own fault. I could eat Soy Sauce on chocolate cake. Japanese food is my absolute favorite food in the world- so I eat it and eat it and eat it - all drenched in soy sauce - and then my fingers swell up like little pork sausages. Last night about 3am - I woke up in pain because my rings were tourniquets on my fingers- I yanked them off in my sleep, sat them on the night table and proceeded to dream over and over that I lost my wedding rings. So I decided I would drink diet tea when I am here- and went to the drug store ( just like USA, there is one on every corner) and bought myself some diet tea. The box had NO ENGLISH ON IT but the shelf tag said Slimming Tea. So I figured, why not.

Brought it back to the room and made myself a cup, not too bad of a taste -
didn't loose 10 pounds immediately or wake up with a Scarlet OHara waist line but it didn't kill me. Still yet, I had a plan. My Hong Kong friend was meeting me at a trade show so I would take the instructions to her and ask her to read them to me....and I did...but guess what, I bought Japanese Slimming Tea and the instructions were not in Chinese, they were in Japanese. She said she didn't think it would kill me to drink the stuff - we opened one up, it had flowers and green tea in a little bag- didn't see anything that looked too strange. She thought it would be good to get the oil out of my body.

Yes, I said OIL - they are obsessed with oil in one's body, particularly intestines. The TV has numerous commercials about loosing weight and removing the oil from your body - they show a cartoon like diagram with these pink intestines and little bubbles going through them. I have watched these commercials during numerous business meals because often times the restaurant has private rooms with televisions in them. Everytime I am chewing on a hunk of pork or slurping down a bowl of fried noodles or rice and one of these commercials comes on, I nearly crack up. Then I realized that almost every commercial for medicine or cleaning products has one of these cartoon like images in it always showing some kind of action - bubbles cleaning up mean faced germs and then the floor smiling - happy carton vitamins dancing through a child's cartoon body making their muscles instantly grow.... it makes cleaning products and medicine seem fun. So I thought, I wonder why they don't use these cartoon like images in USA commercials. Then I remembered that most medicine commercials in the USA are for advertising.........enough said - I think I answered my own question.

And how I got from slimming Japanese tea to this topic, is the reason I am called the human pinball....

HPB
Human PinBall, What's the Worst that Can Happen?

287 comments:

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Tricia said...

Dear HPB,
As a frequent sweller myself (I say "kikkoman" and swell an inch in both ankles), I recommend alfalfa sprouts. Either eaten on a salad or taken in a vitamin, these will actually rid you of soy-related-swelling faster. Yum, salmon skin roll...

somebody said...

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