Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Funny and Scary

This made me laugh and feel sad at the same time.  I remember when I was church shopping.  It is a wonder new people ever come to church.  It prompts me to write a letter.

Dear Local Church,

It is very understandable that you want to introduce everyone to God through your church, but overzealousness can be frightening to people not SWAT team trained.  Toning it down a notch or twenty will not make God love you less.  Here are some things I would suggest that you reconsider:

- Shoving a triplicate form for personal information in a visitor's face when she is three feet in the door.
- Yanking her coat right off her.
- A greeting by six people with Osmond smiles rushing at her like they are in a race.
- Asking if she is being joined by her family and suggesting you wait to begin the orientation until they park they car and make it inside.
- Telling her that you have a rule that new people may not go into the auditorium until they have filled out the form giving contact information.
- Seating the visitor up front next to your two most ardent worshippers, who stand up in the middle of the service and fall to the floor.
- Have twelve people call the visitor by Wednesday.

Please let me know if I can help in any other way,
Normal (I am not visiting your church until you fix this) Girl